In Loving Memory

The spectrum of ones life is a wonderful thing. Its gradual and different shades colours the world around it and touches everything and everyone in different and unique ways.

Eileen’s life colours have been especially vibrant. For every rebellious moment, there is a moment of tender kindness. For every moment of adventure, so she has her fears. For every laughter she shares, there too she quietly bears. As strong willed as she is to be after what she wants, she is also giving and forgiving to a fault. There is always room in her big, big heart.

To her parents, she is a wonderful Daughter. To her siblings, a fun and spunky Sister. To many of us here, she is a dearly beloved family member and a fiercely loyal friend. To me, she is my baby Cousin, my baby Sister.

While my tears flow now, these are my selfish tears. Selfish because I miss her. Selfish because she’s not here for me anymore. But I promise, that these tears will stop and my pride for her will come through. For I am proud of her for who she is and how she’s coloured my life.

Her story is complete. This story I keep in my memories. Her story is one I retell to give colour to others, like how she always did.

And so this is my sincere wish to family and friends - that we may find comfort and strength in each other and to honor Eileen with our memories of her joyous spunk and fierce spirit, that can now but only remain, etched beautiful forever in our hearts.

Embraced in Wings

On the shores of that silent beach,
Stars faraway we were a watching.

In nothing but a blink of an eye,
Clouds gather and put the stars a hiding.

The torrent stirs with lashing winds,
Sea spray or perhaps raindrops a pelting.

Still we stare to the ocean black,
Without a care of the world a wanting.

Violent winds bring water and sand,
On our skin it scrapes with a hurting.

It is here I envelop you,
With my wings and arms an embracing.

As the storm rages from the calm,
 I stand steadfast to keep you a shielding.

Storm passes leaving gentle rain,
Mere raindrops that leaves us a drenching.

Quickly it came and so it went,
Nothing left but us there a standing.

And still you lie in my embrace,
Gentle flame of warmth an emanating.

Soon you are restored whole again,
And down the path we go a walking.

To where it leads a mystery,
Away from these wings where I watch a wishing.

Voices

An extended soliloquy,
A muse of my paramour,
What will never be,
Tainted forevermore.

From the Fragments of a Shattered Mind...

"...and so the twists of life has robbed us of our youth..."

"...there lies a pain more than unrequited love; that of love unconsummated..."

"...we are but complex, nothing more, nothing less..."

"...no more hope, but only desire to hold and caress..."

"...the knowledge of the eventuality of where this leads us renders that which is finite all the more bittersweet... "

"...detours that lead ever so close but not meet..."

"...kindred spirits of the starlight and rustling leaves..."

"...that we know the failings of each other is but one and the same of those which we love and hope never change..."

Proseac: Random quotes. Inspired.

It will be 4 A.M.

Still I wait.

Counting Down

T - 30 Minutes:
Am thinking to myself how amazing the last few days were for me. Never in my life would I imagine sharing this moment with you in this bed, in this place and after all this time. Staring out at the ceiling and then turning my eyes to the clear blue skies outside the window, this sense of serenity is made full with you in my arms. There is nothing in the world that matters anymore. For these few moments, there is nothing else in my world except you, me, the bed and the blue skies above us. If only time would just stop and we can have this moment forever...

T- 25 Minutes:
Am now remembering what a night it was before. Our very first kiss, 17 years in the making. The sweetest kiss that I've ever savored. Why did it take so long to come full circle? No matter. I'd rather be there when the circle comes round even if it takes an eternity than for nothing at all.

T - 20 Minutes:
Am now thinking why'd we refrained the night before to make beautiful love? Did I worry that it would probably be too messy afterwards? No. The reason was far simpler. For the simple reason that I do love you, more deeply than you understand or know. I sense that you are fragile still. I do really want to but I cannot. I do not want to be the one who comes, takes and leaves like that. Do you understand me? I'm so sorry.

T - 15 Minutes:
You're there now lying there and listening to my heartbeat and taking a deep breath with your nose on my neck. I closed my eyes as I hear you say that you will remember my scent. For a moment I almost cried but you would never know. For a moment, I wonder to myself, if that is all that you will have to remember me by? We never had much to remember by all these years. Maybe this was good.

T - 10 Minutes:
Am now looking at you and slowly absorbing every detail I see. Those fine lines beneath your eyes. Signs of age, weariness and pain. Life has taken such a toll on both you and I. For a while my heart aches. Can I smoothen those lines and make everything alright? Felt my heart twitch. You say you've never expected yourself to be so attached to me. I smiled and held you closer more.

T-5 Minutes:
Time bleeds away. Our time is coming to an end. I remember you saying how I am someone so faraway yet so close and that you cannot bear to hold my hands for more than just a moment. I think I understand. I am sorry for not leaving you with more beautiful memories.

T-1 Minute:
We catch on for our final kiss, with the knowing that, when this moment is over we will go back to our lives and this moment will stay as it is - a beautiful memory in our minds. As our lips part away for the last time, I sense the walls that we've built up over the last few moments come crumbling down. The weight of the world is heavy once more.

T-Now:
With my head to the door as I walk out slowly. Here I leave behind my most beautiful memories of a love that would never be. With a deep breath I let go.
With a smile I thank you for this beautiful moment that will be in my memories for as long as I live.


Proseac: To my very first love, thank you for this magic moment of my life.

My New Journey to Where I Once Began

Well it has been quite a long while since my century of posts. I suppose much have transpired and things moved quite a bit since I last felt the urge to finally write something. I suppose, life turned a little for the better these days, which is great for the real life me, but a snag for my writing alter ego. It seems like there just ain't much to write about when one ain't depressed.

Tough!