It suddenly strikes me, how a dead and dried rose can be so beautiful.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Twist of Fate (Part 4)
It has been weeks since Christine left.
Herman caught himself in bed lying wide awake at night. He was feeling conscious. He could feel the heat of his heart slowly ebbing away. This time, he was determined not to let it go away.
It has been a while since he last called. He decided to pick up the phone. The ring tone finally gave way and her voice came through.
"Hello baby..." he said.
"Hey..." she replied.
"It's so nice to hear your voice again. How have things been going?" he asked.
"It's alright. Kinda just the same really.." she answered.
"That's good... You know, I have been thinking of what I last said to you...just before you left that day.." he continued, " I am really sorry. Shouldn't of have heaped that on you..."
"No, no, it's really okay..." she sighed.
"I have decided to do something about it. I have been thinking... Can I make the trip up to see you?"
he asked, sounding really hopeful.
"There is really no need..." she said.
"Why? Are you busy?" he asked again.
"Not really, but its really troublesome...and..." she tried to argue.
"I really want to do this. It is no trouble at all. Could I?" he sounded in earnest.
"Well...ok..." she said.
He could sense her smiling through the phone. They made the date that he would go. As far as he remembered, this was one decision that he was glad that he made.
The day arrived, where he would pack his bags and be on his way. From the minute that he boarded the bus, his heart was pounding in expectation. He wanted very much to see her. He felt alive.
Christine was caught up with her things to do that day. One thing led to another and she ended up with a trip entertaining her friends. She wanted to see Herman but was caught up between him and her friends. Time would probably iron itself out by the time Herman came, she thought.
Herman arrived at the destination. His plan was to get the luggage out of the way at his friend's place before spending the rest of the day with Christine.
After settling down at his friend's place, Herman was invited to go along to a party. Herman entertained the idea for a little while before saying no. He only wanted to spend time with Christine. Quality time that was long overdue.
With some gruntles, his friends left him alone. Herman finally took up the phone to call Christine.
"Hey baby..." he said
"Hey..." she replied
"I am here. Where are you now?" he asked.
"I am still stuck here with some friends... Can I get back to you later?" she said.
At that moment, Herman was really disappointed. He wanted to kick up a fuss. He wanted to tell her how disappointed and pained he was because she just didn't seem to put him on her priority. He wanted to tell her, that he didn't go out with his friends because she was more important. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to see her so bad. He ended up saying nothing at all.
Love is about respecting each others personal space isn't it? He tried to be understanding.
"Oh..in that case, just call me later when you are done" he said.
"Ok..bye" she replied.
He just lied on the bed after that. He told himself, that if he just slept, time would pass by faster. When he woke up, she will be ready to see him. He dozed off to an uneasy nap, always half-awake because he didn't want to accidentally miss her call.
She was upset with Herman. She wanted him to react. She wanted deep inside for him to kick up a fuss. At least, fight over it. Fight to show that he cares. Her doubt in him and the relationship came creeping back again. Wilfully she carried on her party. She just wanted to forget this.
When they finally resumed tele-conversation again, both were in foul mood.
"What kind of boyfriend are you?!" she exclaimed.
"What do you mean?" he replied, trying to remain calm.
"You don't care for me. I told you I was with friends and you didn't even bother to ask who I am with!" she said.
"Thats not true. I care baby. I just wanted to give you your space. I have faith in you. I just want to be an understanding boyfriend.." he explained.
There was silence. Both decided that extended argument would further no ends. They decided to meet up and put this behind them.
What both didn't know, was that a scar was left in their minds. A scar caused by a silent cut and painless wound.
Herman caught himself in bed lying wide awake at night. He was feeling conscious. He could feel the heat of his heart slowly ebbing away. This time, he was determined not to let it go away.
It has been a while since he last called. He decided to pick up the phone. The ring tone finally gave way and her voice came through.
"Hello baby..." he said.
"Hey..." she replied.
"It's so nice to hear your voice again. How have things been going?" he asked.
"It's alright. Kinda just the same really.." she answered.
"That's good... You know, I have been thinking of what I last said to you...just before you left that day.." he continued, " I am really sorry. Shouldn't of have heaped that on you..."
"No, no, it's really okay..." she sighed.
"I have decided to do something about it. I have been thinking... Can I make the trip up to see you?"
he asked, sounding really hopeful.
"There is really no need..." she said.
"Why? Are you busy?" he asked again.
"Not really, but its really troublesome...and..." she tried to argue.
"I really want to do this. It is no trouble at all. Could I?" he sounded in earnest.
"Well...ok..." she said.
He could sense her smiling through the phone. They made the date that he would go. As far as he remembered, this was one decision that he was glad that he made.
The day arrived, where he would pack his bags and be on his way. From the minute that he boarded the bus, his heart was pounding in expectation. He wanted very much to see her. He felt alive.
Christine was caught up with her things to do that day. One thing led to another and she ended up with a trip entertaining her friends. She wanted to see Herman but was caught up between him and her friends. Time would probably iron itself out by the time Herman came, she thought.
Herman arrived at the destination. His plan was to get the luggage out of the way at his friend's place before spending the rest of the day with Christine.
After settling down at his friend's place, Herman was invited to go along to a party. Herman entertained the idea for a little while before saying no. He only wanted to spend time with Christine. Quality time that was long overdue.
With some gruntles, his friends left him alone. Herman finally took up the phone to call Christine.
"Hey baby..." he said
"Hey..." she replied
"I am here. Where are you now?" he asked.
"I am still stuck here with some friends... Can I get back to you later?" she said.
At that moment, Herman was really disappointed. He wanted to kick up a fuss. He wanted to tell her how disappointed and pained he was because she just didn't seem to put him on her priority. He wanted to tell her, that he didn't go out with his friends because she was more important. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to see her so bad. He ended up saying nothing at all.
Love is about respecting each others personal space isn't it? He tried to be understanding.
"Oh..in that case, just call me later when you are done" he said.
"Ok..bye" she replied.
He just lied on the bed after that. He told himself, that if he just slept, time would pass by faster. When he woke up, she will be ready to see him. He dozed off to an uneasy nap, always half-awake because he didn't want to accidentally miss her call.
She was upset with Herman. She wanted him to react. She wanted deep inside for him to kick up a fuss. At least, fight over it. Fight to show that he cares. Her doubt in him and the relationship came creeping back again. Wilfully she carried on her party. She just wanted to forget this.
When they finally resumed tele-conversation again, both were in foul mood.
"What kind of boyfriend are you?!" she exclaimed.
"What do you mean?" he replied, trying to remain calm.
"You don't care for me. I told you I was with friends and you didn't even bother to ask who I am with!" she said.
"Thats not true. I care baby. I just wanted to give you your space. I have faith in you. I just want to be an understanding boyfriend.." he explained.
There was silence. Both decided that extended argument would further no ends. They decided to meet up and put this behind them.
What both didn't know, was that a scar was left in their minds. A scar caused by a silent cut and painless wound.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Embryo Shots
This is a piece from H.R. Giger another of my revered contemporary artists.
Every bullet made and fired is revenue and income for some to feed and keep life growing.
In light of the Iraqi invasion not too long ago, maybe the only 'weapons of mass destruction' was simply the greed and malevolence of certain individuals involved in the war conspiracy for their own gain?
Greed is a grave weapon indeed.
Alchemical Pipe Dream
From Roman times into the 19th century, Alchemists used a secret language of pictures to record and communicate their recipes to other Alchemists. They drew and painted scenes where every detail within the picture symbolized something specific. The subjects and surroundings would represent certain elements and chemicals, and the action taking place within the scene represented instructions on how to alter or prepare the elements and chemicals to produce the desired result. This painting is a simple recipe for hashish, using the Alchemical style of communication: First, a female marijuana plant must be cut down at the height of its sexual maturity. The plant is then hung until dry. Next, leaves sticking out which are bigger than the tip of the thumb are cut off. Finally, the plant is repeatedly passed through a fine mesh and the pollen and dust is collected and packed tightly in a wooden box. The material will conglomerate into a ball of hashish, which is the form in which it is smoked. The secondary theme this painting presents is how men alter the female form to make it a “consumable” object, as is seen in advertising and other types of mass media in our society.
By Skot Olsen. One of my favourite contemporary artists. 'Nuff said.
Sweet Nothings
I remember those sweet nothings.
When I first met you, and just couldn't take my eyes off you. I would just pretend not to notice you but before I could catch myself, I would just sneak a look your way. I remember the way you smiled and moved. I remember I would just hide myself away in one corner trying too hard not to stare. I just went home feeling nice, playing the times when we did talk, over and over again in my head. I remembered going to sleep smiling.
I remember when we first went out. I was trying so hard to 'be myself'. How could I really be myself around you? I was incoherent. It was so hard to be a nice gentleman and at the same time trying not to do too much just in case I scared you away. Ended up looking like a fool of course. I remember going home, smacking myself in the head, telling myself that I have blundered big time. Just then, your call came. You assured me that I was doing fine. You never knew how comforting it was for me. You left another smile on my face that day.
I remember going out with you that day. I remember that my trailing hand tried to just 'accidentally' hit your trailing hand, to create an 'accidental opportunity' to hold your hand. I remember how my pinky tried to just hook on to your fingers. I remember, being so conscious, wondering, if you pulled away, what would I do? Just then, your pinky hooked on to mine. One by one, our fingers latched on. I had your hand in mine. I looked at you and you at me. Like school children, we giggled and smiled.
I remember waking up with you in my mind. I just knew, I had to leave you a message that day to tell you that I love you. That was the first thing I did that morning. I hoped that was the first thing you saw that morning too.
I remember when I looked into your eyes and you into mine. There was no need to speak as we let our eyes do the talking. For that moment, the world disappeared and only you were left in my mind. We had our first kiss. I remember those thin lips, as they responded to my lips in silent conversation.
I remember being caught in the rain with you. I remember as I dried your hair as you dried mine, playing with the towel as we tried to rid ourself of the wetness. I remember making the cups of coffee as we tried to warm ourselves. You hated the way my coffee tasted. I remembered playfully forcing you to taste the bitterness of the coffee left on my lips. I remembered as you told me, that even the most bitter coffee tasted sweet from my lips.
I remember kissing you while learning to count to ten in Japanese. You smiled as you told me, to learn to count to hundred so I have an excuse to kiss you a hundred times.
I remember when we did the dishes together. I hugged you from behind. You have now a pair of extra arms to help you do the washing. My hands held the dish as you soaped it. My hands flipped the dish as you rinsed it. It took forever to finally get it all cleaned up. We got wet and dirty, but we had fun.
I remember walking on the beach together. We wrote love letters in the sand. We found a bottle lying on the ground somewhere. I remember scooping the love letters in the sand and filling up the bottle. The sand was special. We buried the bottle of sand on the soft earth nearby with a note, that these were the very sands we shared and wrote love letters on. Bless he/she who would find the bottle again one day.
I remember running my fingers through your hair. It was always smooth. I remember telling you, troubles are like hair. It gets entagled, but all it takes are some loving fingers to set it right again.
I remember putting you to sleep in my embrace. I remember just watching you, as the lines of your daily toil on your face eases as you drift away to sleep. I remember how beautiful you looked when you were asleep.
I will always remember, how we just lied there, and spoke of sweet nothings. Sweet nothings, as I speak of them now.
When I first met you, and just couldn't take my eyes off you. I would just pretend not to notice you but before I could catch myself, I would just sneak a look your way. I remember the way you smiled and moved. I remember I would just hide myself away in one corner trying too hard not to stare. I just went home feeling nice, playing the times when we did talk, over and over again in my head. I remembered going to sleep smiling.
I remember when we first went out. I was trying so hard to 'be myself'. How could I really be myself around you? I was incoherent. It was so hard to be a nice gentleman and at the same time trying not to do too much just in case I scared you away. Ended up looking like a fool of course. I remember going home, smacking myself in the head, telling myself that I have blundered big time. Just then, your call came. You assured me that I was doing fine. You never knew how comforting it was for me. You left another smile on my face that day.
I remember going out with you that day. I remember that my trailing hand tried to just 'accidentally' hit your trailing hand, to create an 'accidental opportunity' to hold your hand. I remember how my pinky tried to just hook on to your fingers. I remember, being so conscious, wondering, if you pulled away, what would I do? Just then, your pinky hooked on to mine. One by one, our fingers latched on. I had your hand in mine. I looked at you and you at me. Like school children, we giggled and smiled.
I remember waking up with you in my mind. I just knew, I had to leave you a message that day to tell you that I love you. That was the first thing I did that morning. I hoped that was the first thing you saw that morning too.
I remember when I looked into your eyes and you into mine. There was no need to speak as we let our eyes do the talking. For that moment, the world disappeared and only you were left in my mind. We had our first kiss. I remember those thin lips, as they responded to my lips in silent conversation.
I remember being caught in the rain with you. I remember as I dried your hair as you dried mine, playing with the towel as we tried to rid ourself of the wetness. I remember making the cups of coffee as we tried to warm ourselves. You hated the way my coffee tasted. I remembered playfully forcing you to taste the bitterness of the coffee left on my lips. I remembered as you told me, that even the most bitter coffee tasted sweet from my lips.
I remember kissing you while learning to count to ten in Japanese. You smiled as you told me, to learn to count to hundred so I have an excuse to kiss you a hundred times.
I remember when we did the dishes together. I hugged you from behind. You have now a pair of extra arms to help you do the washing. My hands held the dish as you soaped it. My hands flipped the dish as you rinsed it. It took forever to finally get it all cleaned up. We got wet and dirty, but we had fun.
I remember walking on the beach together. We wrote love letters in the sand. We found a bottle lying on the ground somewhere. I remember scooping the love letters in the sand and filling up the bottle. The sand was special. We buried the bottle of sand on the soft earth nearby with a note, that these were the very sands we shared and wrote love letters on. Bless he/she who would find the bottle again one day.
I remember running my fingers through your hair. It was always smooth. I remember telling you, troubles are like hair. It gets entagled, but all it takes are some loving fingers to set it right again.
I remember putting you to sleep in my embrace. I remember just watching you, as the lines of your daily toil on your face eases as you drift away to sleep. I remember how beautiful you looked when you were asleep.
I will always remember, how we just lied there, and spoke of sweet nothings. Sweet nothings, as I speak of them now.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Suicide Note
Dear Life,
Looks like you have finally got the better of me. It has been a sick trip that we have together. I tried so hard to have us work out, but it seems like it is never going to be.
You just happen to have this cruel habit of cracking the biggest and most cruel jokes with me on the butt end of it all.
I think I have finally had enough. You are just sick.
It has been very tiring. Very very tiring. I really just want to close my eyes and let eternal sleep take me. Why is it that you just refuse to let me go?
You know it. I know it. I can never beat you in this game. You have all the aces. You plot all the twists. You lead me where it seems fit. I never had a choice without you interfering at some point.
You gave to me, you take away, whenever it pleases you.
I feel like a rat caught in your cruel experiment. The hurt is too much. It is suffocating. It is torment and suffering. I can't get out. I cannot breathe. I want to get out. I just want to get away.
I have had enough of the games you play. The pawns you use to make me suffer. I suffer because you made me care for them. I suffer because you twined them to me.
It is so painful because I have to hurt them. I have to hurt those unwitting pawns to finally get away. I feel so guilty that I have to. I love them, but I am desperate. I am so sorry. Backed up against the wall, I have no more room for remorse. Just immense pain.
I want to end the pain.
I feel cold. I am scared. You challenged me to part ways with you. Time after time, I backed away. Time after time, I chickened out. Even as I write now, I tremble with fear.
It will be over soon. I know, because I feel the calm before the storm.
If I ever do one thing right, it is now, to make this decision to part ways with you. There is nothing more for me. I need the end to set me free.
I miss everyone. I am so sorry. I have to hurt everyone that I love most.
Goodbye,
Victim.
Looks like you have finally got the better of me. It has been a sick trip that we have together. I tried so hard to have us work out, but it seems like it is never going to be.
You just happen to have this cruel habit of cracking the biggest and most cruel jokes with me on the butt end of it all.
I think I have finally had enough. You are just sick.
It has been very tiring. Very very tiring. I really just want to close my eyes and let eternal sleep take me. Why is it that you just refuse to let me go?
You know it. I know it. I can never beat you in this game. You have all the aces. You plot all the twists. You lead me where it seems fit. I never had a choice without you interfering at some point.
You gave to me, you take away, whenever it pleases you.
I feel like a rat caught in your cruel experiment. The hurt is too much. It is suffocating. It is torment and suffering. I can't get out. I cannot breathe. I want to get out. I just want to get away.
I have had enough of the games you play. The pawns you use to make me suffer. I suffer because you made me care for them. I suffer because you twined them to me.
It is so painful because I have to hurt them. I have to hurt those unwitting pawns to finally get away. I feel so guilty that I have to. I love them, but I am desperate. I am so sorry. Backed up against the wall, I have no more room for remorse. Just immense pain.
I want to end the pain.
I feel cold. I am scared. You challenged me to part ways with you. Time after time, I backed away. Time after time, I chickened out. Even as I write now, I tremble with fear.
It will be over soon. I know, because I feel the calm before the storm.
If I ever do one thing right, it is now, to make this decision to part ways with you. There is nothing more for me. I need the end to set me free.
I miss everyone. I am so sorry. I have to hurt everyone that I love most.
Goodbye,
Victim.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Twist of Fate (Part 3)
The relationship Herman and Christine shared can be described as one that is 'perpetually delayed'. The main difficulty was due to the fact that Christine had to be away most of the time in another city to pursue her education. Once a month worth of bliss is all this couple could hope for at best at any one time. Most of the relationship was about phonecalls and emails and sometimes Instant Messaging (thanks to the amazing technology called the Internet)
Herman was trying to get on with his life. He was trying very hard. Maybe he tried a bit too hard. It was tough when your best friend betrayed you that way. Everyday, he would try to drown the sorrows away by partying and hanging out with his friends. Ironically, the same friends reminds him of the ultimate betrayal by his ex-best friend.
Christine was a tough girl. She was blossoming into adulthood, looking forward to great adventures in the future ahead of her. A wonderful career and a life filled with great expectations. She pursued it with all her heart. In her big heart, she still found the time and patience to bear with Herman as they both try to work this relationship out.
Fate was a an evil thing. Time and space apart were the lesser evils in this play. Having started a relationship like it did, growing apart was inevitable. Each time they reunite, they had to accustom themselves to the strange feeling of each other. Time was always short though. By the time they have gotten used to having each other around, they had to part again.
"My heart frozen heart is never able to thaw. Each time you come back to me, it begins to thaw slowly. It starts to feel warm again. Just when the pain kicks in like freeze-burn, you have to leave again. Thats when it freezes all over again..." Herman confessed to Christine once when he was sending her off to the bus station.
Christine couldn't find an answer to him.
"All I remember is the pain. I want to feel warm again. I want my heart to beat warm for you..." Herman continued.
Christine was under severe stress and remained silent. Herman just looked at her not wanting to continue pushing her.
They arrived at the station. She alighted from his car. He decided to drive off, trying hard not too look backwards. He wondered, if what he feels for her is really love for her or just an after-effect from trying to numb the sensation of everyday life which was a living hell for him.
Something spoke to him in his thawed heart that day. He loves her. He swerved his car and stopped it by the road. He got off and proceeded to run, in an attempt to catch her for the last time before she departed on the bus. He didn't care if his car was towed away or given a ticket. He didn't care if he couldn't catch his breath.
He just carried on running with only her in mind. His heart thawed completely that day. He felt warm. For her.
He arrived too late to catch her before she boarded the bus. The bus was about to leave with the passengers on board. Somehow, he managed to spot her at a seat by the window on the bus. Somehow he managed to catch her attention.
As the bus moved slowly towards the station exit, he was running like a mad man by the bus waving and shouting silent 'I love you's to her. The bus picked up speed. He was soon to be found running after the bus. He never heard a word she said from inside the moving vehicle. It really didn't matter.
Tears streamed his face that day as he ran after the vehicle that carried her away. He couldn't run anymore. He just stood still, amidst the fumes, trails left by the bus. There was nothing except tears and smoke.
She carried a part of his heart away forever that day. She never knew it, and somehow, she never will know.
Herman was trying to get on with his life. He was trying very hard. Maybe he tried a bit too hard. It was tough when your best friend betrayed you that way. Everyday, he would try to drown the sorrows away by partying and hanging out with his friends. Ironically, the same friends reminds him of the ultimate betrayal by his ex-best friend.
Christine was a tough girl. She was blossoming into adulthood, looking forward to great adventures in the future ahead of her. A wonderful career and a life filled with great expectations. She pursued it with all her heart. In her big heart, she still found the time and patience to bear with Herman as they both try to work this relationship out.
Fate was a an evil thing. Time and space apart were the lesser evils in this play. Having started a relationship like it did, growing apart was inevitable. Each time they reunite, they had to accustom themselves to the strange feeling of each other. Time was always short though. By the time they have gotten used to having each other around, they had to part again.
"My heart frozen heart is never able to thaw. Each time you come back to me, it begins to thaw slowly. It starts to feel warm again. Just when the pain kicks in like freeze-burn, you have to leave again. Thats when it freezes all over again..." Herman confessed to Christine once when he was sending her off to the bus station.
Christine couldn't find an answer to him.
"All I remember is the pain. I want to feel warm again. I want my heart to beat warm for you..." Herman continued.
Christine was under severe stress and remained silent. Herman just looked at her not wanting to continue pushing her.
They arrived at the station. She alighted from his car. He decided to drive off, trying hard not too look backwards. He wondered, if what he feels for her is really love for her or just an after-effect from trying to numb the sensation of everyday life which was a living hell for him.
Something spoke to him in his thawed heart that day. He loves her. He swerved his car and stopped it by the road. He got off and proceeded to run, in an attempt to catch her for the last time before she departed on the bus. He didn't care if his car was towed away or given a ticket. He didn't care if he couldn't catch his breath.
He just carried on running with only her in mind. His heart thawed completely that day. He felt warm. For her.
He arrived too late to catch her before she boarded the bus. The bus was about to leave with the passengers on board. Somehow, he managed to spot her at a seat by the window on the bus. Somehow he managed to catch her attention.
As the bus moved slowly towards the station exit, he was running like a mad man by the bus waving and shouting silent 'I love you's to her. The bus picked up speed. He was soon to be found running after the bus. He never heard a word she said from inside the moving vehicle. It really didn't matter.
Tears streamed his face that day as he ran after the vehicle that carried her away. He couldn't run anymore. He just stood still, amidst the fumes, trails left by the bus. There was nothing except tears and smoke.
She carried a part of his heart away forever that day. She never knew it, and somehow, she never will know.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Twist of Fate (Part 2)
It was raining heavily. Not really a thunderstorm, more like an unabated waterfall splashing through a sprinkler. The raindrops were big and heavy. There was a strange calm amidst the downpour.
It was in this downpour where Herman was sending Christine home in his car. The episode that happened earlier altogether seemed surreal. They were silent. Both knew in their hearts that they just did not know where to take it from here. She finally broke the silence.
"I think we should not carry this any further..." she said.
"But why? We are doing alright aren't we? It has only been hours" he asked.
"I don't feel right. I know you don't love me as much as you did her. I don't want to live in someone's shadow," she said.
"You and her and two different people. These are two different relationships. You cannot possibly compare!" he argued.
"I am trying to move on with you. Please, give us a chance?"
They sat in silence, the turbulence washed away with the pelting rain and the silent purring of the engine.
As they parted that day, both had mixed feelings.
He wanted to move on but he did not know if he still had hidden feelings from the past that even he did not know of.
She wanted it to happen but she did not know she could carry on her days under shadows and silent doubts.
Still they smiled and pledged to each other feeling optimistic.
The fingers of deceit stretches long indeed.
It was in this downpour where Herman was sending Christine home in his car. The episode that happened earlier altogether seemed surreal. They were silent. Both knew in their hearts that they just did not know where to take it from here. She finally broke the silence.
"I think we should not carry this any further..." she said.
"But why? We are doing alright aren't we? It has only been hours" he asked.
"I don't feel right. I know you don't love me as much as you did her. I don't want to live in someone's shadow," she said.
"You and her and two different people. These are two different relationships. You cannot possibly compare!" he argued.
"I am trying to move on with you. Please, give us a chance?"
They sat in silence, the turbulence washed away with the pelting rain and the silent purring of the engine.
As they parted that day, both had mixed feelings.
He wanted to move on but he did not know if he still had hidden feelings from the past that even he did not know of.
She wanted it to happen but she did not know she could carry on her days under shadows and silent doubts.
Still they smiled and pledged to each other feeling optimistic.
The fingers of deceit stretches long indeed.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Twist of Fate (Part 1)
Herman thought he had everything in life. He was an ace student budding off to a wonderful career. Above all, he had a wonderful relationship with a most wonderful girl.
His world came crashing down one fateful day, when his wonderful girl turned her back on him. She went off with his best friend and left him hanging in the balance. All of a sudden, his world looked bleak. His plans with her for their future was now nothing but a big void with nothing to fill.
Christine was an old time friend of Herman. She did have a crush for him before Herman was involved with a relationship. Nothing came out of the crush and life went on for her. That was until she heard of his plight.
Egged on by common friends, she came into his life as a sliver of light. Sitting silently next to him, she gave him comfort. She silently reminded him, that he has a lot more to live for. She tried to lift him out of his despondent state.
It all happened in a whirl. In Herman's confused mind, a collage of thought blended. He said nothing but embraced Christine and they entwined in a passionate kiss. She did not resist. For a moment, time stood still, the couple in an interlock of overflowing emotion expressed in a framed picture in time.
It ended when their lips parted ways. He could only look into her eyes. She laid in his arms saying nothing. He would just silently caress her soft flowing hair. Twirling and playing.
In his mind he asked himself, "What now?"
Answering his own question, he spoke aloud, "I will try..."
She just looked at him, as his fingers continued twirling her hair...
His world came crashing down one fateful day, when his wonderful girl turned her back on him. She went off with his best friend and left him hanging in the balance. All of a sudden, his world looked bleak. His plans with her for their future was now nothing but a big void with nothing to fill.
Christine was an old time friend of Herman. She did have a crush for him before Herman was involved with a relationship. Nothing came out of the crush and life went on for her. That was until she heard of his plight.
Egged on by common friends, she came into his life as a sliver of light. Sitting silently next to him, she gave him comfort. She silently reminded him, that he has a lot more to live for. She tried to lift him out of his despondent state.
It all happened in a whirl. In Herman's confused mind, a collage of thought blended. He said nothing but embraced Christine and they entwined in a passionate kiss. She did not resist. For a moment, time stood still, the couple in an interlock of overflowing emotion expressed in a framed picture in time.
It ended when their lips parted ways. He could only look into her eyes. She laid in his arms saying nothing. He would just silently caress her soft flowing hair. Twirling and playing.
In his mind he asked himself, "What now?"
Answering his own question, he spoke aloud, "I will try..."
She just looked at him, as his fingers continued twirling her hair...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Time Erodes Everything
This is my little personal view on time and how it changes everything. This is not some age old cliche about how time is supposed to mend all wounds and brings thing anew. This is a little reflection on the forgetful nature of man.
I suppose, we are all, as human beings, just natural born ingrates. Anything done out of good will and love today, will one day be forgotten. Worse still, it may be misunderstood.
Today, the loving hero, tomorrow the ultimate villain.
Allow me to narrate this scenario of yesterday:
"For the love of our people, we have to make the ultimate sacrifice. To leave these lands so that my beloved may live. We have to bear the pain of never seeing our children again"
Decades later, the scenario turns out to be:
"Our forefathers cared nothing for us. They left us to survive on our own. They've never loved us."
Ironic isn't it? How a gesture of sacrifice and selflessness can change its face. Time changes the gesture of selflessness and love to an act selfishness and irresponsibility.
Probably, history is not as accurate as it is. We will only get to hear what people thinks its adequate for us to hear. It is all propoganda coupled with the eroding effects of time.
I think it is something that we should reflect on. How to not just chuck the blame and maintain our narrow perceptions. Grow out of our little mental box. Blame no one for your plight. Appreciate the fact that we are alive today. Be not force-fed with facts and history.
Time is afterall a long unending river, and we are but a pebble in the stream. It carries on flowing.
I suppose, we are all, as human beings, just natural born ingrates. Anything done out of good will and love today, will one day be forgotten. Worse still, it may be misunderstood.
Today, the loving hero, tomorrow the ultimate villain.
Allow me to narrate this scenario of yesterday:
"For the love of our people, we have to make the ultimate sacrifice. To leave these lands so that my beloved may live. We have to bear the pain of never seeing our children again"
Decades later, the scenario turns out to be:
"Our forefathers cared nothing for us. They left us to survive on our own. They've never loved us."
Ironic isn't it? How a gesture of sacrifice and selflessness can change its face. Time changes the gesture of selflessness and love to an act selfishness and irresponsibility.
Probably, history is not as accurate as it is. We will only get to hear what people thinks its adequate for us to hear. It is all propoganda coupled with the eroding effects of time.
I think it is something that we should reflect on. How to not just chuck the blame and maintain our narrow perceptions. Grow out of our little mental box. Blame no one for your plight. Appreciate the fact that we are alive today. Be not force-fed with facts and history.
Time is afterall a long unending river, and we are but a pebble in the stream. It carries on flowing.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Are You Going My Way?
It has been quite a while since I have last written something on this little blog. Just when I though I have finally run out of ideas, here comes one popping in my head not so long ago.
I imagine life a a huge maze of roads and intersections. I think it is a rather apt description of life. At some points in life we have to make some decisions, to decide which intersection to take next and travel along.
Some roads may be dark. Some roads may have huge big neon lights tempting you to move on in that path. Some roads lead to paradise, others to hell. Some roads are laden with detours, tempting you to turn back. Some roads are so long that the 'next exit' is probably miles and miles away.
It makes a lot of sense too, when I put it that the more travelled roads are well lit with obvious signs pointing the directions. The road is probably well paved (minus the occasional pot hole or two) and has a lot of traffic. Everyone takes the highway because every other vehicle of life seems to go that way too. Following the crowd cannot be far wrong right?
As we all embark on this journey on the highway, we will notice the different pace. Some just choose to be speed-demons whizzing down the fast track. Getting to the destination as fast as possible. They have to risk a lot of things and be very careful, lest they crash and burn. Others, choose the leisurely drive, probably thinking in their heads "What in the world are they rushing for?"
The highway of life is also well furbished. Lots of rest points, pterol stations and even an emergency tow-truck service. Plenty of destination points in which we can choose to exit as we like, never at once feeling lost. I suppose, it is well furbished because it has to cater to that many people choosing to travel that way?
Then of course, there are the less travelled roads. The little mountain trek that is less cultivated. Most travellers that way will inevitably feel lost. The raods are wearisome. It takes a powerful vehicle and plenty of caution to not get caught in a mudpool. There are precious few facilities and most of the time, we navigate in the dark. Detours and exits are few and far between. Sometimes, it is so dark, that we cannot see the light of destination.
Travelling these paths are difficult, but I think if we are able to sit back and savour the many wonderful sights and experience, it serves to renew our resolve to trudge on forward. Those travelling the highway will never get to see what we have seen.
I wonder, if these less travelled roads, if it starts generating more traffic, would it one day be cultivated and built into a proper pathway? Afterall, the more people choose to travel that way, the better mapped it will be.
As a parting note:
"Do man make the roads, or do the roads make the man?"
We travel on. By the way, if you're going my way, could I catch a ride?
I imagine life a a huge maze of roads and intersections. I think it is a rather apt description of life. At some points in life we have to make some decisions, to decide which intersection to take next and travel along.
Some roads may be dark. Some roads may have huge big neon lights tempting you to move on in that path. Some roads lead to paradise, others to hell. Some roads are laden with detours, tempting you to turn back. Some roads are so long that the 'next exit' is probably miles and miles away.
It makes a lot of sense too, when I put it that the more travelled roads are well lit with obvious signs pointing the directions. The road is probably well paved (minus the occasional pot hole or two) and has a lot of traffic. Everyone takes the highway because every other vehicle of life seems to go that way too. Following the crowd cannot be far wrong right?
As we all embark on this journey on the highway, we will notice the different pace. Some just choose to be speed-demons whizzing down the fast track. Getting to the destination as fast as possible. They have to risk a lot of things and be very careful, lest they crash and burn. Others, choose the leisurely drive, probably thinking in their heads "What in the world are they rushing for?"
The highway of life is also well furbished. Lots of rest points, pterol stations and even an emergency tow-truck service. Plenty of destination points in which we can choose to exit as we like, never at once feeling lost. I suppose, it is well furbished because it has to cater to that many people choosing to travel that way?
Then of course, there are the less travelled roads. The little mountain trek that is less cultivated. Most travellers that way will inevitably feel lost. The raods are wearisome. It takes a powerful vehicle and plenty of caution to not get caught in a mudpool. There are precious few facilities and most of the time, we navigate in the dark. Detours and exits are few and far between. Sometimes, it is so dark, that we cannot see the light of destination.
Travelling these paths are difficult, but I think if we are able to sit back and savour the many wonderful sights and experience, it serves to renew our resolve to trudge on forward. Those travelling the highway will never get to see what we have seen.
I wonder, if these less travelled roads, if it starts generating more traffic, would it one day be cultivated and built into a proper pathway? Afterall, the more people choose to travel that way, the better mapped it will be.
As a parting note:
"Do man make the roads, or do the roads make the man?"
We travel on. By the way, if you're going my way, could I catch a ride?
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